Learning to accept the hand dealt

I still long to wake up and find out that it all has just been a bad dream. Like how Dorothy woke up in the Wizard of Oz and learned that it had all been a dream. Instead I have had to accept the reality that I do have cancer and that this disease is a permanent part of my life. A part that I must accept and must deal with. A part I cannot change no matter how hard I hope to. It is not a dream. It is as real as it gets. Even after treatment is finished and I am found to be cancer free it will remain a part of my life in so many ways.

This diagnosis or as I refer to as "this painful thorn in my flesh", has been a true blessing in many ways. My character has changed. My ambitions and goals for my life are very different than what they were before my diagnosis. I am more compassionate, caring and supportive to the needs of others. I am stronger and my life has attained a richer meaning. Most of all I have got to know my inner self and found a way to like me to spite all I’ve been going through recently.

When this news that seemed so tragic was thrown into my life I was active, happy and thought I knew just where my life was headed. My fears were few. Since then I have had to re-adapt many aspects of my home, my life, my way of thinking and my goals. I still do have ultimate goals and one is reaching to find a way to bring a cure for this disease. Although going through this has certainly added to the difficulty in my journey since that day of my diagnosis, it has also made me more sure and determined of my decision to survive and win this battle.

I do feel that I had to accept this disease as a part of me. This was not easy but I had to find a way to allow this disease to be a part of my life. I am not saying to give into the disease but learn to accept it. I had to learn to respect its power and pacify its peaks. Things didn’t then and won’t always go smoothly and I have learned to expect the unexpected. I had to learn that I can be happy and lead a prosperous life even though I have this illness.

I will admit that I now have many fears I didn’t have before. I worry each day that this disease could somehow be linked genetically and place my granddaughters at greater risk. I know that if that were to happen it would be a far more devastating blow than my own affliction. My own independence feels threatened. My own right to survive feels like a war I must wage. So, what is the meaning of all this suffering? I truly don’t know the real answer to that question. I do believe that being diagnosed with cancer has refined my character and has taught me to rely on my inner strength. I have learned to dig into my soul and find courage I never knew I possessed before illness entered my life. Think about it: Many people, despite their illness, have been able to accomplish their goals. Somehow, they found the strength to succeed.

I have made many new friends and have joined a family of support that has changed my life in ways I never imagined. The people I have met are strong in spirit and very compassionate, loving and they find the determination to succeed in the hopes to help others in the same situation. Together we persevere through the times when life is a struggle and fear is great, we celebrate when life is good and our health is improving, we have learned to be thankful for having each other in our lives.

I personally have learned to be flexible and live each day as today and worry about tomorrow when it arrives. It is never easy or fun to live with an illness but I must realize that every person on this earth has obstacles to overcome in their life. This is mine. Many of life’s most amazing people have overcome physical challenges and gone on to make awesome contributions. My philosophy is “You have only failed if you fail to try.” I hope that by my sharing my story it will encourage everyone to find your inner strength to survive what life has tossed in your lap. You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out and take a hand offered in support and we’ll get through this together.