Tag Board Removed

I had installed a tag board on this blog which is basically a real time message board. I did enjoy the ability to real time chat with people who visited this site. However, I've been informed by a blogging friend that this tag board causes popup windows to load when visitors come here. I have a popup blocker activated on my browser so I didn't know it was doing this. Therefore even though I liked the board I have removed it from this blog.

What is Hope?

Hope is something you can't quite put your finger on, can't exactly describe but is something we all strive to hold dear. It sits within our soul and lights the path which leads us. It warms our heart and whispers soft words into our ear. It wraps around us to make us feel safe and secure as if nothing can harm us. It shines in our memory the vivid and treasured images of the future we've dreamed of our entire life. It plays for us the soothing tunes that relax us and make everything seem ok. Hope is constant and always there but in order to feel all of the above we must open our eyes and our hearts. We must reach out and grasp hope. Without hope in our life then our path will seem dark and our future will seem bleak. It is when we entertain hope that we begin to pull from the difficulties we endure and focus on the true meaning of life, the real blessings we've been given. It is hope that brings to life our dreams and ushers us into our new life, whatever it may be.

Celebrities and fundraisers

I read this at another blog I frequent (linked below) and it makes a lot of sense so I "blogged this" to share it to readers here.

Little Nuances: "Celebrities and Fundraisers

Sometimes I wonder about the combination of celebrities and fundraisers. One such instance is the fundraiser held on ebay recently by The First Amendment Project. I've never heard of this particular group, but according to an article in USA Today, they are 'a non-profit that provides free legal services related to free speech and free press issues.'

The fundraiser consisted of 19 novelists who gave their fans a chance to see their own names appear in a future novel. All their fans had to do was be the highest bidder. One woman bid $25,100 to see her name appear in a Stephen King novel. If a woman is willing to write a check for that amount for such a thing, more power to her. But couldn't Stephen King just as easily have written a check for that amount if he really believed in the cause?

Why appeal to a fan base, the vast majority of whom makes considerably less money than the novelist, to support causes that the novelist is passionate about? Why not just support it yourself?"

Journal Writing Blog: All about journal and personal writing.

Journal Writing Blog: All about journal and personal writing.: "When I first set out to make my own journal I knew exactly what I had in mind. Making the journal to fit that picture proved more difficult than I expected, though. I love the versatility of a hard cover spiral-bound journal. "

I thought I'd write myself about keeping a Journal. I very much enjoy it. I view it as a window into my life that I can go back over the years and recapture. Funny how you see things differently years later. I've written something and read it again several years down the road and found that my opinion had changed drastically.

I find that writing in a journal is a cleansing experience and allows me the opportunity to express my inner emotions clearly. At times it represents to me a close friend that I can tell anything to, a place where I can talk about anything. I just find a comfy and quiet spot, a pen, paper or use my computer or type writer and then allow my emotions to just flow through my fingers. I have found my personal journal to be one of, if not, the most effective tool to assist me in coping with challenges in my life. I hope that this post will help to inspire you to begin journal writing if you have never done it and to assist those who do keep a journal in their writing adventure.

Why Should You Keep A Journal?

People who have never kept a journal may wonder why someone would keep one. Everyone who writes in a journal does so for their own unique reason(s).

Some keep a journal as a way to document their daily activities, some only keep a journal for special reasons such as medical related documentation. Some use it to record notes from school or a class they are taking, internet passwords, notes on how to do something or record what they learned on the computer, Links they want to visit again, ideas for creating a website, etc. Some write their favorite poems, quotes, stories and scripture in their journal.

For some it is a place to store their questions and thoughts about events and they only write in it on certain occasions or only part time while others will use it to document every thought and it will become like a best friend that they can go to and open their soul and share anything with. Many use it as a space where they can reflect on their life, who they are, events, experiences, hopes, doubts, fears, joys and anything in between.

When a person is contemplating the idea of beginning a journal they wonder what they should write in one. Some people use prompts to inspire their writing and for many this is how they begin writing in a journal. You can search through google for "journal prompts" and find many useful ideas. Some people prefer not to use any sort of template and to just write from their heart and let their thoughts flow rapidly out onto the pages in their journal. Whatever works for you is ok. There are no hard and fast rules about how to write in a journal and the format in which to do so. It is your special space to write in as you wish.

Writing in a journal can be very therapeutic. It can help you begin to put situations in your life into proper perspective. It can help you to sort out solutions for situations in your life. It can help you to maintain a record of events that you can go back to at some later date to review or for times when you need such information for some important purpose.

Some people never share their journal and make certain their family members know that their journals are not for their eyes. However, some people have even put their journals online for the world to read as their way of expressing themselves. Some have used their journals to write books and memoirs. Most people feel that their journal is their private place where they can go and cleanse their thoughts, ideas, goals, hopes, dreams, fears, joy and emotions without every having to worry about someone reading them and them being judged by what they wrote. What ever your reasons are for being interested in writing in a journal I'd like to encourage you to begin one.

How Do I Start A Journal?

So you have decided to begin a journal? Well at least by the fact that you are continuing to read this page you must at least be interested in starting one. I hope that what is shared below will assist you in getting started.

What to use for your journals

Some people find it easier to type their journal. You can use a word processor such as Microsoft Word and save the files by date and keep in a special folder. There are also a lot of computer programs available for journal writing. Many are shareware or perhaps cost under 50 dollars. Some people find it difficult to truly put their thoughts into their journal by typing and prefer to keep a handwritten version instead.

The most common way of writing in a journal is handwritten. What you use to write your journal in doesn't really matter. Some people use notebook paper and store their journal papers in notebook binders, while others may use spiral notebooks. There are also books available that are specifically created for journal writing. Some people like to purchase pretty decorative books for their journal writing. Those may make them feel that they are doing something special for themselves and often it will help to make their journal writing time a very special time in their day. Whatever you decide to use to write your journal is ok. All that is important is that it inspires you to write and is affordable so you won't be hindered in the future from writing. The main objective here is getting the most out of the experience of writing in a journal.

Inspiration for writing

Many people feel lost when they begin thinking about how they will write in their journal. If this is a problem for you, then perhaps you'll want to begin by using prompts or some sort of writing template. Most people find that if they need to use prompts or templates in the beginning that they soon form their own routine for writing.

Most find that they are able to write better if they choose a comfortable and quiet spot and try to make this a time of solitude. Perhaps have a nice cup of herbal tea and just use it as my relax time. Sit for a moment and reflect on your day, your week and what has happened to you recently. Sometimes this will help you to get started. Sometimes just writing at random listing the days events, what is in the news, the weather for that day, what book you are reading, etc will get your thoughts flowing and before you know it you'll just writing up a storm.

Storing Your Journals

Storing your journals may be an option you'll wish to consider. Some people only keep their journals in written form while others keep electronic copies because they type them and then they store those by date on their computer or on discs. People who keep their journal in written form may prefer to throw them away or destroy them right after finishing one, however the majority do store their journals. Some store them only for a few years while some have boxes of journals that date back into their childhood. If you choose to archive your journals you can date each journal on the cover by putting the date of the first entry through the date of the last entry and store them by date. You can also date every entry when you begin writing for that day which will help you to go back and review what you've written in the past. Happy writing

Post Katrina Thoughts

Something crossed my mind today..... Ok, FEMA and the Federal government and of course republicans under fire are placing blame for failures in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina on local governments in Louisiana.... right? They blame their plans, response, etc. But give thought to this... Louisiana is not the only area hit, in fact Mississippi was hit with the Hurricane and had horrible damage and they were not getting any more assistance than Louisiana but you don't hear that in the news and what more.... you don't hear the republicans blaming those local officials.... Hmmmm could it be that the real problem here was the Federal response? Putting politics aside because republican or democrat they all defend their side when under fire but why can't they just admit they failed these areas and make the necessary changes to prevent it in the future. It is obvious that the government did fail because just watch how they are reacting for Rita. This same response should have been seen prior to Katrina.

Hurricane Rita/Katrina

Listening to the news yesterday and so far this morning it appears that all levels of government are doing what is necessary this time to ensure order and preparedness in the wake of Hurricane Rita. What keeps coming to mind though is that it is so sad that it took 1003 + lives to be lost by Katrina for them to realize the importance of this. The death toll so far from Hurricane Katrina stands at 1003 for all areas involved but that number is sure to rise. 799 alone lost their life in Louisiana. I certainly am very concerned for those living in the Galvaston/Houston areas as this storm seems even stronger than Katrina. God Speed.

What stops you from listening?

We naturally want to fix something that someone shares with us which is wrong in their life. We often try to give advise and figure out a way to help them solve it. Often this need to fix things overpowers us and stops us from listening. Sometimes the person isn't seeking advise from us and doesn't wish for us to fix things, they just want a shoulder to lean on, someone they can open up to. So I try to take a step back and listen first and offer assistance second.

This is no dress rehearsal

On one of his shows Dr. Phil said "This is no dress rehearsal, this is your life". He said we should never hold back in being who we are, sharing how we feel and stating what it is we feel we have to say. I think this is a moving statement and one that I feel will inspire me from this day forward to try and be open about how I feel and to tell people closest to me how much they mean to me and to let them know what it is about them that makes them special. You know we all need to hear from people we love that they appreciate our good qualities and that we are somehow respected for the person we've become. I want those close to me to know how I feel. I really do

If you could change one thing about your personality what would that be?

My natural sense to hide how I really feel and mask it with humor or to evade the topic by taking the issue and expanding it to envelope everyone so as to not make it personally relate to me. In some ways it helps me to ponder my own emotions about a topic when I do put it in a wider perspective and focus on it as a problem many deal with rather than to make it directly linked to me. I can look at it from a broader view point and it isn't so hard to face that way. Sort of like how we can help others easier than we can help our self. When I have something bothering me it is easier for me to sit and write about it in general terms from a perspective of everyone then it is for me to write specifically about how I feel about that issue. In many ways I'm putting my own feelings into the writing but it isn't as taxing on me since I put it in a general term that could apply to anyone reading it.

This little trick on my mind serves its purpose though. I really end up delving into my own inner emotions eventually. I just wish that I could be more comfortable in just opening up and speak directly about me and how I feel and why I feel that way rather than having to turn it into an essay. I have been really working on this and have tried to use this blog as a place where I open up more. I've done good with that at times and at other times I notice I ramble on and on without actually saying much .

Rudeness

I don't understand the rudeness of some people. I find it odd that some people can just come up to a person they've never met and speak to them in a rude manner or be so abrupt in their expressions that they come across so rude. I have to believe that they don't realize how they sound or how their actions come across.

For example I pulled up into a parking lot of a bank so I could go inside to use the ATM machine. As I was walking into the building I passed a mini van parked along the curb and noticed a woman doing something in the back. I just kept walking and got into the building and fell into the line that had formed for the ATM. There were two other people in front of me. Another man followed me into the building and got behind me in line. Then the woman that was in the van came in and immediately walked to the front of the line and announced "I'm next, I was parked out front before any of you came in here and I have a baby in the car" She didn't ask if she could go next, she announced that she WAS going next. Hello Lady.... The line begins to form at the ATM, not the parking lot and better yet she was in a hurry because she had wrecklessly and illegally left her baby in the van while she came into the ATM. I couldn't believe the gall this woman had to do such a thing

She was so wreckless to leave her small child in a vehicle alone with the motor running. Geeez Did she honestly think that she could protect her child from such a distance through a glass enclosure. I guess she felt it was safe because she could keep her eye on the vehicle but what was she going to do, watch the tragedy take place because she couldn't have done much else if someone had wanted to steal her car with her child in it. I don't like to be judgmental of peoples actions because we don't always know what is going through their minds at the time. But in situations such as this you can't help but be judgmental.

There are also some people that are rude all the time by being abrupt or just plain feeling free to pass along rude remarks to their friends at the drop of a hat. In this type of situation I'm not a person to stand by for very long and allow someone to blatantly be rude to me or take advantage of me. I usually try for a while to ignore their actions to avoid conflict. I may try to silently alter the situation in some way but I have a temper and eventually I'll tell the person exactly how I feel about the situation if it continues.

I don't see

I don't see...how family members of some people who become ill can ignore the pain their loved one is going through in their lives. Time and time again I've read from people who are not getting the support they need from those closest to them. The person isn't too needy and they aren't demanding anything that they wouldn't graciously give if the situation was reversed. When a person becomes ill or they are faced with a tough circumstance it is natural to instantly take for granted that those they love the most will certainly be by their side. When their loved ones are indifferent or not understanding they are not just hurt by their actions but truly crushed.

I personally can't understand it. I love my family so much and if any one of them suddenly became ill I'd want to hold their hand through every moment of it. I'd want to do everything I could to make them feel secure and safe. I'd want to do my own part in trying to make their life as loving, as fun and as comfortable as I possibly could. I can't imagine responding any other way.

I do realize that there are times family members just can't accept what is happening in the life of their loved one. It is easier for them to try and ignore the situation then face it. In many ways this is a self-serving action for them to take because they are attempting to save themselves from the pain of facing reality. The sad truth is that the person who is ill cannot escape the reality of their situation and due to the actions of their loved one they are having to face it alone. No one should have to go through something like that alone. If the person who is ill can live through it, face up to it and stand strong in the fight to survive, the least the family can do is to hold their hand as they travel their journey.

Sleepless Nights

I have a serious problem with sleep. Perhaps you could say I am a chronic insomniac. This is a problem I've had for as long as I can remember. This means you may be reading from me here all hours of the night.

Many nights I will go to bed, feeling tired as if I could easily fall asleep. Once reaching the bed, I'll close my eyes, try to breath with rhythm so as to become relaxed. Then as if I have no control over it, my thoughts begin racing about and I feel as though I can't lay there a minute longer and the urge to get out of bed and do something else is almost too much to ignore. I force myself to lie there but my mind just keeps thinking, quickly moving from one thought to another. My eyes pop open and wander around the room, trying to focus on what there is to see amidst darkness. Through the window the street light outside beams a dim light across the room. I lay there making out the figures of objects in my room and wonder why my eyes are open when I feel so tired.

I'll strain trying to hold my eye lids shut. My mind just keeps going over the days events, then skips back to yesterdays and from there something that happened leaps my memory into action concerning something else. I turn from one side to the other, beginning to feel as if I could scream. Sort of like it is when you have a sound driving you mad, like a drippy faucet. You just have to finally get up and tend to it before you rip the thing right out of the sink. It is that kind of feeling with nothing to yank out other than wanting to pull out a hammer and bonk yourself on the head to make you go to sleep

You lay there interrupting your constant thoughts with repetitive words such as "I have to get some sleep". I then try to count, I've even tried to focus on just one thought and go over that one thing again and again hoping to bore myself to sleep. Sometimes it works and I drift off to sleep. Other times it is fruitless. There are times that the things I try to do repetitively in my mind bring laughter. I'll say nursery rhymes thinking I'd get bored but I end up not being able to remember one and then my thoughts get active at trying to remember. Then I begin to giggle at myself.

Turning on the television seems to work for some people in providing a steady noise which makes it easier for them to fall asleep. For me it just provides something to become interested in and give me an excuse to not go to sleep. I just have to continue the struggle with silence in the room and laying there and battling the long night's fight for sleep. Sometimes the sun is peaking through the windows before I manage to wonder off in restful sleep. Hopefully it is a day where I can remain in bed way into the morning...

More on Cindy Sheehan..... HUH? Now I'm dumbfounded

Not sure where she is going with this angle.... You decide....

Sheehan: Get troops out of 'occupied New Orleans'
"George Bush needs to stop talking, admit the mistakes of his all around failed administration, pull our troops out of occupied New Orleans and Iraq, and excuse his self from power," she said.
Worldnet news
Click to read complete article

Gas Prices

We always see the price of gas soar and they always blame it one reason or another. Something happens and almost overnight the price of gas is raised. However, have you ever noticed that when the reason given is resolved that we don't see the prices lower so drastically or quickly? Usually we don't ever see it lower to the price it was before. This tells me that they just look for any excuse to raise the price of gas so they can retain a residual higher price in the end.

Agree to disagree: Respect Diversity

"Just because others think differently about an issue than we do ourselves, does that mean they're right and we're wrong or vice versa?

I believe that we all are different and in many ways we each operate in our own reality. No one sees the world the same way as I do and the reason for that is that no one shares my own unique perspective on life and the world around me. Due to each persons own perspective I cannot expect other people to ever completely see things in the same way as I do. I have to accept this as fact and once I do that then I am better able to understand others and learn from them.

I shouldn't ever waste my time trying to make others see things the way I do. It isn't productive to argue with someone because they see something different then I do. I need to agree to disagree and respect their right to have a different opinion. I try to learn from the person and take note of what they feel about an issue and see if there is something I can learn from it. I've accepted that no one will be exactly like me, no one will think exactly like I think and no one will always agree completely with me. I wouldn't want to live in a world like that anyway. It would be so boring to live where no one had their own individual personality and thoughts. This is a diverse world and if we respect each other and look for the good in everyone then no matter how different we all are and how different we all think, we can always come together and be of support to one another.

The passing of my brother

A powerful quote that was sent to me today. A friend sent it to me because she knows I like to read comforting quotes. Instantly what came to mind when I read it was the passing of my brother. Perhaps this is something I must put in writing, something I must address, so here goes.

"Sometimes, when one person is absent, the whole world seems depopulated"
---Allphonse de Lamartine

This is how the world seemed to me when my brother passed away in May 1998 at the age of 49. It felt like the air was removed from this planet and that the world was depopulated. One of the most important people in my life was suddenly gone. How do you get past that? I surely did not know on that spring day.

Even now my heart seems to skip a beat and instantly tears well up in my eyes as I think of the moment I heard the terrible news over the phone. There was a part of my soul that was sucked out at that moment and another part was sucked out when I walked into the parlor room at the funeral home and saw my strong, wonderful brother lying there. It seemed to take my breath away.

My brothers are years older than I am and they were in many ways more of parental figures than brothers. He was one that I knew would be there for me no matter what. He had his strong personality which sometimes got on my nerves and we did butt heads at times. He was overly protective and head strong when it came to his beliefs and ideals. But the bottom line is that he had the biggest heart and was one of the most generous people I've ever known and without any doubt in my mind I knew he loved me and I knew he'd always be there by my side no matter what.

His death was particularly hard for me because I didn't feel that it was his time to go. I guess we never think it is the time for our loved one to leave us but I just couldn't imagine that he was only supposed to be on this earth for 49 short years. I couldn't fathom that he wasn't supposed to see his daughters graduate from high school or that he wasn't supposed to walk them down the isle on their wedding day. I still can't believe that it was his time, but as a Christian I know that there are reasons for everything so I have to trust in that faith.

There is a hole in our family, a missing link, a part of us that we cannot replace. We miss him so. I've finally reached a place where I can reflect on the good times in which we shared. He was a very serious man but he had a sense of humor like no one I've ever met before or since. He had a serious sense of humor if you will. That is hard to describe but he could pull off a joke so well because you couldn't tell if he was serious or joking until he had you under the spell of the joke and then released the punch line on you or revealed the trickery. We had such fun together and those are memories I'll always cherish. His special smirky smile that I've never seen on another human being shines in my memory and I hold it close to my heart. When I need to feel he is near, I focus on that smile and gently hear in my soul that soft but strong unique laughter of his. With this, although he is far, he seems close in spirit.

Do you need an alarm in your brain?

Many things we use every day have alarms that go off and warn you. For example a car has a warning chime or light to let you know your fuel is low. Car alarms sound off to warn a person that they are too close to your car. If you were able to have an alarm installed in your brain that went off automatically what would that alarm be for and when would it go off?

This is going to sound odd but I need an alarm which would go off every time I'm being too trusting and headed toward being taken advantage of. I tend to lunge head first into things while all the time I'm totally trusting either the person or the situation and I lose sight of my own best interest in the process. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten burnt, taken advantage of or got into a situation that was waaaaay over my head. I need a siren to go off with glaring flashing red neon lights spinning around the room in front of me.

NYPD pulls mic from Cindy Sheehan Rally

"Cindy Sheehan may be the Rosa Parks of the anti-war movement. But that didn't stop members of the New York Police Department from marching into the crowd of about 150 people gathered in Union Square Monday to hear her speak and yanking away the microphone. "
http://villagevoice.com/news/0538,fergusonshee,67983,2.html

In some ways I can understand what is driving Cindy Sheehan. I know that if my child was killed for something I didn't believe in I sure would be raising my voice in protest. I just believe that for people to take her seriously she must keep her focus and not end up rerouted by the media hype and attention. Too often people get involved in public activism for all the right reasons only to find themselves drifted to the right or left by the influence of the media, organizations, people's opinions, etc. In this case she has her beliefs and opinions and has every right to share them in any way she wishes, well within legal limits that is. However, if she isn't careful and ends up showing too much wild antics her purpose will be misunderstood. She is a mother with a mission but for her mission to reach any level of success it needs to be presented as a mission with a purpose rather than just a mother in grief lashing out.

What about society annoys you the most?

I could write about this all day because as each of us must confess there is a lot about society that annoys us at one time or another. I think my biggest annoyance right now is the lack of respect from one human to another. People just treat you like you come a dime a dozen. You see this even when you shop in a store. Anymore you go up to a register to pay for a purchase in a store and you are lucky to get the clerk to crack a smile. They may grunt a rough "thank you" but most of the time you don't get that. We had this one restaurant I used to go to that when you go through drive-thru most of the time when they come onto the speaker you don't hear "Welcome to... may I take your order please" you'll hear instead "What's your order". When I was a teenager I worked at fast food restaurants to make extra money and we would have been fired if we had treated customers the way they are treated today. Customer service has gone down the tubes in my view, well at least it seems to have here where I live.

Another thing that really just jerks my chain is how everything has become so commercialized. Everything is connected to making more money for themselves. It is hard to find anything that truly puts the people first. A sad reality of progress I suppose but sometimes it makes me wish I had been born years ago when life was simpler. I've always loved to read about and research the Victorian age and have said I'd have loved to have lived in those days. Then I'm reminded that there are more treatments available today for illnesses so if I'd been born back then I may not have enjoyed a long life .

Views from Gatlinburg Tennessee

Rolling waters in Gatlinburg Tennessee near Cade's Cove. Below are a few pics to view.

Solution to world hunger. Is there such a thing?

There should be no world hunger. If proper distribution took place of the food grown and manufactured around the world there'd be no need for anyone to go hungry. The greed by some to make more of the almighty dollar has taken control over food resources so there are countries that have far more food in storage than is needed to feed their population while other countries starve. If more thought was given to feeding the hungry then making money off of the food that God provided freely then no one would be hungry. This world was created by God with enough nourishment to provide food for every human so when there isn't enough food to feed everyone then it stands to reason that somewhere, somehow food has been mismanaged. Well that is my take on the issue anyway. The solution? Well with the commercial way the world manages food these days I don't know how to approach a solution to it all. I pray someone smarter than I am will some day figure out a way.

Children mistake? Pregnancy, etc

I don't believe any child is a "mistake" nor should any child be viewed in that way. It may be true that parents may not be expecting or even planning for a child when they learn they are about to have one but that doesn't make that child a mistake. I've heard parents say "that pregnancy was a mistake, I didn't mean to get pregnant." In my opinion, the pregnancy may have been unplanned but it was no mistake. Yes I do speak to this topic with a slanted opinion because of my background as a Christian. Of course with that thought I feel that God plans the birth of each human. But putting that aside I still believe that when a person makes the decision to have sexual relations then they must either protect themselves from pregnancy or accept with joy the pregnancy when it occurs.

I'll give an example. I have a friend who's daughter was only 17 and her and her boyfriend was sexually active, without her parents knowledge of course. Well she got pregnant and came to her mother. She had first told her boyfriend and he told her he didn't want the baby and he wouldn't have anything more to do with her if she had it. Well she thankfully dumped the boyfriend and with the support of her family and friends she had a beautiful baby.

After its birth she thought she should do the right thing and let the father know that the child was born. So she called him and his reply was "Cool, well thanks for letting me know." He wasn't even interested in seeing it. She asked him if he wished to see the child and he said. "No not particularly, I'm a little curious if he looks like me but not curious enough to want to see him." She then asked him if he wanted to pay child support for the next 18 years or if he wanted to legally sign away any rights to this child. His reply was "I'll sign away all my rights, I'm not ready to be a father". Well if he wasn't ready to be a father then why on earth was he so willing to risk pregnancy with her by having unprotected sex. I'm sure she wasn't ready to be a mother either but she now was a mother and had to stand up and take responsibility for her own actions. I must say that this girl is a very very good mother and to my knowledge, now several years later the father has never asked to see his child or wanted to be in its life at all.

This child was not ever considered a mistake. He has grown up being loved as much as any child could be. His life changed their world and for the better. And who knows he could grow up to change the world for millions or perhaps for every creature on this planet. We never know what the future holds for each precious child that is born. So how could any child be considered a mistake.

Hello and Welcome

Well this is new for me to be sharing my life as if its an open book for all the world to see. I've been doing this online on some level for a few years while managing support forums for people who have chronic illnesses. This however is totally from a different perspective. I've been toying with the idea of creating an online blog but just kept putting it off. Well no more. Today's the day. So here goes. In my typical fashion I'm just going to jump in with both feet and go for it. Ok, both fingers on a keyboard...well....whatever, those reading this get the picture .

I'm sure at first it is going to be difficult for me to write openly in this new format but I hope to relax soon and fall into a mode of sharing my daily routine, momentary thoughts, quick ideas, emotions and fears here with no forethought. I'm rattling on and on right now in an attempt to get myself relaxed and my thoughts flowing. Oh no, when I do that it is hard to tell where this will lead. Hmmm, well that is what a diary is for so... I think as time passes my writings will get more in touch with what this blog is supposed to represent. For now I'll just write what comes to mind. I'll write what I'm feeling emotionally at any given moment or perhaps share what I've done that day or maybe just how I'm feeling physically. I'll just take each day one day at a time.

Putting my self out here exposed as this on a daily basis concerned me and is one reason I hesitated to do it before. I've always been a person that doesn't hesitate to lunge out there and jump right into things. I have very passionate ideas about things and often don't hesitate to share. I always run my mouth if you will and am always willing to share my story about how I've been affected by life in general. I do that in part because I'm a people person and just have a knack for opening up to the human spirit. I also like to help if I can. I'm nobody special but if by sharing my own experiences with them helps them cope a little better than it is something I'm eager to do.

Over the years I've had a lot of people appreciate the fact that I'm open and that I put myself out there. They can relate and I must say before I continue on this topic that the majority of people have been nothing but positive and supportive to me. 99.9 percent of my online activity and the people I've got to know online have been a very wonderful and special experience and have been nothing but supportive and kind.

However, I'm sure others criticize me or have negative opinions of me, about how open I am to talk about my life and my activity in the email support group I moderate and my participation in other public forums. I've had some things about me scrutinized and analyzed on a few occasions which got back to me. I noticed because of this that I gradually became hesitant to open up and share my inner most feelings and to take part in discussions. I was concerned that if I put a public blog online and wrote in it daily that I was just opening myself up.

Well I came across a quote

“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
-- Elbert Hubbard, American author & publisher

This revealing moment made me realize that I am who I am. I like to be open, sharing with my thoughts and experiences. I like that part about me. I'm not going to allow anyone or anything to make me into something I'm not. I trust the human spirit and know that for the most part people will appreciate me for who I am. And for those who don't then that is their right and they don't have to visit my site, be a part of anything I moderate or communicate with me at all. I'm sorry but I must be who I am because to try and shape my actions to avoid criticism means I'm shaping my personality into a person I don't like. If anyone wishes to read what I say and only view it in a negative light then I can't stop them but by the same token I can't allow them to stop me from being who I am, doing what I believe is right and becoming at peace with myself.

I'm kind of excited about this new blog now. When I began writing this I was hesitant but now I'm excited and looking forward to the time I spend in solitude writing here.

Remembering 9-11--01

Little did we know on this night four years ago that we were experiencing the eve of a tragedy. A disaster that most of us had never imagined. Tonight I sit here in a total somber mood. I remember when an online friend phoned to alert me to what was being shown on the news. She knew that I rarely turn the television on during the day but especially in the mornings. I was dumbstruck when I turned on the television and saw smoke bellowing from the World Trade Center. While I stood in front of the television so shocked that I couldn't even break away to move to a seat I suddenly felt a fear like I had never felt when they showed another plane hit the other tower. Then within moments it hit very close to home when they announced that a plane which had been hijacked was headed to Washington DC. At that time I lived in Maryland not far from that area.

Before I could even digest that they announced a fire at the Pentagon and soon afterwards that in fact a plane had crashed into it. There was a fear that took over like I'd never experienced. It made me think of other people who live in war prone countries and who must live each day with the fear of bombs falling from the sky or planes flying over to destroy areas close to them. Even if they know they are likely not the target just as I felt that my home wasn't the target of a hijacked plane the uncertainty of what was going to happen was overwhelming.

I think back about the lives that were still with us this day four years ago but didn't even realize that they only had a few more hours to enjoy the life they cherished. I wonder if they knew how loved they were, I wonder if they knew how much they were needed. I wonder if their families had told them recently what they meant to them. So much unsaid, so many things left undone. This is what happens when tragedy strikes suddenly. In a flash a life can be lost and the whole world can be changed. On September 11, 2001 many lives were lost, many families torn apart and as a result I believe the world was changed. Not just here in the United States but everywhere. Every country now knows just how vulnerable they truly are to those who wish them harm. Tomorrow is an anniversary no one wishes to celebrate and everyone would prefer that didn't exist. But it is upon us and we owe it to the lives lost to remember them and to remember their families.

In giving thought to that tragic day. It seems like it was only yesterday. I remember most those horrific scenes but today for the first time I actually saw the clear photos of people leaping from the towers at the World Trade Center. The images I had seen back on that date didn't show it up close or at least I didn't see those. One they showed today was so vivid that you felt you could reach into that television screen and somehow catch them and safely lower them to the ground. How horrified they must have been to have chosen to leap from a burning building. I'm sitting here mortified. I can't imagine that. I also can't imagine how it must have felt for those people to be running for their lives up the streets of New York as a plume of smoke and debris chased them. They didn't know what was inside of that plume, it could have very well been hiding the collapse of every building down the entire street. They did not know.

Then as I try to lift my mind from those images I remember how the world came together in their grief. The true human spirit amazed me. I wish that spirit was still so alive today. I fear that people are getting to complacent. They feel it is time we move on with our life. It is, that is true but if we move on before the job is done, a job that will safeguard us we'll only be facing another 9-11. It may be hard to watch all the ceremonies but the job is not finished to bring to justice those responsible and to safeguard our borders and tighten immigration laws. The job is not done and perhaps by looking back on that tragic day it will remind us of what we are fighting for, of why we must not give up the fight, why we must not allow our government to move on without first keeping to their promises to make us a safer nation.

Enough lives have already been lost, lives were lost that horrible day, lives have been lost in battle fighting to defend us from another 9-11. Lives have been lost in wars to tear down terror networks. Lets not allow all those lives to have been lost in vain simply because it would be easier emotionally to just move on. I hope not. I pray not. To reach a place where we are safer and where the world is free of more terrorists If I must cry a tear every day by being reminded of that day, then that is what needs to be done. If those peoples tragic end is used to fuel our determination to fight on and win, then their death is serving a purpose.