Random Writing

Open the dictionary and pick a word at random, write your entry about that word.

Ok, I'm going to get the dictionary......

Ok, I have it...

I'm just going to open it at random and the first word that I focus on will be the word I'll use to write my entry.

Here goes...

The word is........tone

Yikes.... let me think......OK, here goes.

Each person has a different tone to their voice and that tone can represent the persons mood, demeanor and at times even their thoughts. The tone a person speaks can also be a comforting one. It can be a reassuring voice of reason, understanding and support.There are times that the tone of someone's voice can give others the wrong impression. They may just have a raspy or course way of speaking and come across in a way that doesn't represent who they truly are. This brings home the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover" or in this case their voice.

Married couples sometimes can tell what kind of mood their spouse is in simply by the tone of their voice when they awake in the morning or perhaps when they arrive home from work. They may be tired and express that simply by how they speak. Learning to recognize tones specific to those we spend time with can assist us in communicating better with them. For example if you know when your spouse speaks in a certain tone that it means they are not in a good mood then that may not be the time to go to them and ask them to be there for you. They may need their own space at that moment. By the same token when their tone of speech leads you to know they are in a good mood this may be a good time to spend some quality time with them and do something special that will bring both peace and tranquility.

Update

Hello everyone. I have been busy lately and wasn't able to keep up with my blog. I wish life would slow down and it does seem to be in the near future. Not much new to update on but I hope this note finds everyone well

Denise {Dee Dee}

JonBenet Update

Back in August the story of JonBenet was back in the news because of a man who confessed to her murder. It sounded so concrete in the beginning but his story quickly fell apart and he was never charged for the murder and his entire confession is believed to be a hoax for him to return to the United States and avoid the charges he was facing in the country where he had been residing. Last night John Ramsey was on Larry King Live due to the upcoming 10th anniversary of his daughter's untimely murder. The interview went pretty much as expected but then on Anderson Cooper 360 the subject matter was discussed and several handwriting specialist stated that they had compared the ransom note left on the night JonBenet was at first believed to have been abducted before learning she had actually been murdered and compared them with known handwriting samples of Patsy Ramsey (Jonbenet's Mother) and that they would state professionally that both were written by the same person to a 95 percent certainty. They showed photos zooming in on words from both handwriting samples and I must admit that they looked identical. This just goes to show that we will never know what truly happened to this precious little girl especially now since her mother has died of Ovarian cancer earlier this year. Another senseless crime gone unsolved and murderer(s) gone unpunished. Sad, just sad. I am not saying that I definitely believe the family somehow was involved because I remain torn on that issue just as much of society. I just wish for justice for this little girl which should be enjoying her teenage years.

Emerging in life

When we are faced with obstacles in our life or serious trials and tribulations we may feel as though we've been stopped dead in our tracks. Not knowing which way is up and definitely not which way is out. At first where ever we are stuck is the place where we go around in circles emotionally. Some people get stuck in a denial stage while others may be stuck in a mood of anger or sadness. Everyone reacts differently and there is no right or wrong way to respond to difficult circumstances. We have so many different thoughts going through our minds and as a result we are confused and often very frightened. However the time we spend lost in this emotional wilderness help us to dig deep within our souls and find our true self. We get in touch with who we are and we get in touch with our strength. I've came to the conclusion that this chaotic adventure is necessary in order for us to get through whatever it is we are facing. I believe that this is what gets us on the road to hope. We soon 'emerge' from this emotional wilderness into the full light that brings us hope and we 'emerge' as a stronger person with an attitude of acceptance and the determination to push on and get to the next level in store for our lives. It is just the road we must travel in order to reach the beginning of our new life.

What do you think you have control over? What do you think you don't have control over?

I have control over only my own actions and reactions. I can't control my health, with the exception of eating healthy, etc. A person cannot control whether they get a chronic illness or an illness that becomes life threatening. I can't control the actions of others. I can take control of many aspects of my life but by the same token there are things that happen that I have no control over. I guess my point to this is that we have to accept the things we cannot control and not make ourselves sick with worry over trying to control those things. Of course, we should take the reins and control the aspects of our lives where we can but we shouldn't allow our need to control things to become so huge that we can't accept that some things happen by chance and enjoy the surprise that life can bring to us. If we were able to control everything about our lives I think we'd end up bored to tears. I can choose to live every day to the fullest, never knowing what tomorrow may bring or I can sit each day worrying about tomorrow and forget to live today.

If you were a pencil, what would you write?

Considering how clumsy I am more than likely I'd roll off of a desk onto the floor and have someone step on me and break me in half, . All jokes aside, if I were a pencil I'd keep myself sharpened and write many new laws to support health care reform and to bring about regulations to limit the control HMO's and insurance companies have over the choices of our health care. Too often they determine the amount of care we need such as how long we stay in the hospital after a procedure, they determine often whether we get a particular drug or must take one that is cheaper. These sort of decisions should be left to the doctor we've chosen to be our partner in our health care. These sort of decisions should not be made by a pencil pusher in some insurance company. Yes the pencil pusher was a punt .

I firmly believe that a serious change to our health care system is urgently needed. I have read and heard a lot of political pundits debate the issues pertaining to the health care system that is now in place. Some are for change and some are not. In society I feel you would have to look high and low to find a person who has experienced chronic illness that wouldn't agree that a change is necessary. Those who depend on the health care system the most are the ones who know just how dire the situation truly is. We are going to have to bind together and descend on Washington and demand a change. Until we begin to stand up and put the pressure on the politicians nothing is going to change.

Stress Management

WOW what a doozy of a topic. Stress management in my opinion means that a person attempts to find ways to cope with their stress or to alleviate stress all together or at least minimize the stressful situations in their lives.

How does this pertain to me???? Hmmmmmm, Let me think. Well for one I can be a real stressed out, wound up, ball of nerves. I can get myself tied up in a frenzy over the least little thing quicker than you can blink. I also do not function well when things in my life are chaotic. I tend to shut down emotionally and at times physically. Chaos brings about the strongest of the stressful events for me. So organization is my best tool for reducing my stress to some degree. My organizational skills have been somewhat hindered in recent years for a reason I really am not sure of. I've just had more trouble concentrating and applying organizational skills. At times I've found myself experiencing a shut down when I can't get myself organized. Of course this is a control issue and there are always situations that are out of my control and when those situations come at me one after another, piling on top of one another it is difficult for me to keep from getting all stressed out over it all.

At some point I have to attempt to cope with the situations because dealing with them, putting them behind me then will give relief to some of the stress in my life. The majority of what I'd consider most stressful for me is related to health issues. Those type of stressors are harder to be able to put behind you because they are recurring and oftentimes long lasting. So I've found that alleviating fears, concerns or questions I have about a particular health issue helps to reduce some of the stress elements of those situations. I've found that education to obtain knowledge on something stressing me out is a powerful tool in teaching me how to cope with that situation. Sometimes I'm stressing because of a fear or perhaps a perception I have about a particular health issue, once I research it, educate myself on it I often learn that my fears are unfounded. Once I realize that the fears I had are not likely to happen then I find that I can put that individual stressor to rest.

Addressing the stressors in our lives one by one can be very tiring and in itself can become a stressor. Keeping our lives as simple as can be is another way I've found to minimize stress. Not taking on too much responsibility is something I've had to learn the hard way. I tend to take on way more then I should and I'm slowly learning to cut back. It is very hard for me to not commit myself to something when I'm asked to participate in some way. Saying No is a big problem for me. I'm getting better but it is still a big problem.

I do not believe there is a clear-cut way to rid our lives of stress and personally I don't feel we'll ever be successful at eliminating stress from our lives entirely. All we can do is try to keep our lives simple, calm and not over obligated. We can't do more than we can do and often we think we can do more than we truly can.

Guess who?: Yep you ain't dreamin LOL.

Surprise, surprise, surprise, LOL. I know it has been too long since I've posted on my blog. I just hadn't had the chance to post. Ok, that isn't true really, I just haven't took the time to post. I have missed blogging though. I really enjoy reading blogs and sharing my rants. So I am going to try to get back into it. I may not be as prolific as I was before and only post a few times a week as not to burn myself out. I won't bore you with all that has been going on since I last posted in this first note but you can bet your bippy I'll catch you up a little at a time over the next few weeks. I hope you have all been well.

Holding Your Hand

Every moment seems like eternity when you are going through a situation alone. Many times we go through things by ourselves because we choose to. We tend to take inward the pain and suffering that we endure instead of reaching out and giving others the opportunity to hold our hand and be there for us. However, when we take a kind person's hand and hold onto it as we travel roads of discouragement and paths of disappointment we often find at the end of the ordeal that we got through it better than we thought we would have. Often we learned some very valuable lessons as a result. Perhaps that extra support by that guiding hand made all the difference. When we are going through a difficult period in our life it truly does help to reach out to others and allow them to support you through it.

When I have gone through difficult periods in life I had this desperate feeling that someone needed to save me. I was seeking information to find a way to stop whatever the problem was rather than find a way to live with it. What I needed was not to be rescued but to be supported. I had been so obsessed with rescuing myself and trying to find a way to make it all go away that I hadn't allowed my family to support me. I had a life line thrown at me by my family but I had just left it dangling in those unsteady waters instead of grabbing it and pulling myself up to safety.

I hope that each of you will grab the hand of support that is extended to you when you are facing adversity. Whether this be a hand from a family member or friend. I hope that you'll quickly take it and grip it ever so tightly and allow their strength and love to flow through you and help you get through whatever you must face.

Coping with life

I can understand how people abandon their ideals, what they believe deep within and then lapse into despair. When they are hit over and over by hardships, when they peek out into the real world and see such chaos it is no wonder that their spirits are broken. Their pure and good ideals seem somewhat absurd when put up against the uncertainties that this world we live in represents. Not only uncertainties but this world we live in holds some horrible realities. Yet, in spite of it all, taking everything bad into consideration, this world we live in is wonderful and there are a lot of good, moral, loving and caring people in it.

When we are facing our most difficult days, the ones that feel as though the earth is going to open up and swallow us. The days when the chaos that surrounds us makes us feel that it is impossible to build enough of a foundation to stand and get through what life has in store for us. The moments when not only our own life seems too heavy to carry but when we sense the suffering of so many others and cannot find in our soul the strength to go on. These are the times when we must look up into the heavens and behold the beauty and find in our heart the courage to put one foot in front of the other and walk toward the light in front of us that represents hope for a better tomorrow.

At moments like this we may begin to not care about our future. Whether we live or die seems irrelevant because suddenly it doesn't seem possible to get through today. The fact is that this world will go on no matter if we live or die but it will not be the same without us in it. We made a difference in this world simply by being a part of it. History would not be what it is without our birth and the life we have lived. We have a hand in shaping the future and we should take that responsibility serious.

The choices we make each day will shape our life and the life of those around us. We can choose to live our life to the fullest and not concentrate so much on the bad things and allow things to just fall into place as they happen and not dwell so much on the what-if's. We can also choose to dwell only on the bad things and while we are doing this we'll miss out on all the good that our future holds. These sound like brave words but they aren't. When I'm alone, I cry and I realize how tough things are and may be in the future. I fail many times at being strong, and always looking at the good and not dwelling on the bad. The key though is to pick yourself up after those failures and brush yourself off and gird yourself with every measure of happiness you can grasp and move on to the next day.

Opinions

I choose to believe as I do and respect other peoples right to do the same. I expect to be able to present my view just as others should be able to present theirs and I never try to change theirs. I think sometimes we try to push our own views onto others, I guess that is human nature to a degree but I've learned to avoid this. I also have learned from other peoples views at times and what I learned has changed mine but no one enjoys it when someone presents their views in a way which makes you feel like its being crammed down your throat or that you are being judged personally by how you believe. I haven't felt that from anyone here I must say. Everyone has their own unique views on life and other things and they are personal to them just as mine are to me.

I'm still here

Hey folks I'm still here. I haven't had a lot of time to blog but I have been reading others. I hope all are well.

JobBenet

The confessed killer of JonBenet Ramsey is set to be returned to Colorado This is a good ending with a sad history behind it. We all remember the story and the years of accusations surrounding her parents. I have said many times that how terrible it would be if they were telling the truth about what happened to their daughter. They always maintained their innocence. Even the police fed the media with talk that pointed to her parents. Only a few years ago after a change in Boulders police leaders was it admitted that evidence did lead elsewhere. Now they have tracked down their man and he has confessed. I'm sad that Patsy didn't live to see the truth come out but she is hopefully with her daughter now and enjoying a reunion. This goes to show that in cases that are hard to find a motive too often police home in on the easiest explanation which requires the least amount of work in an attempt to wrap up the case. If they could find this man now clear on the other side of the world then just imagine how soon they could have solved it early on if they had even tried to investigate that the parents were telling the truth. I know that with statistics as they are that family must be looked at and considered as the possible suspect but that is not the only angle police should focus on. There should be a team of investigators looking at each possibility. This family was put through the ringer to the extent of even being brought up to a grand jury trying to get an indictment. Just imagine if they had got it then these parents could have been put into jail for a crime they didn't commit. Compounding their grief for their daughter. I think the Boulder police owe this family at the very least a very public apology. They had the ability to stand and condemn them so now let's see if they have the decency to apologize for the many years of agony they put onto this family. Better yet let's see if the media focuses on the truth here as much as they did on the false accusations.

Columbus Dilema

From our youth we are taught that Christopher Columbus "discovered" America. He is hailed as a great person in history which is evident merely by the fact of there being a day of celebration in his honor. Discovery would seem to imply that it was new land yet to be found or inhabited. This couldn't be further from the truth. If this had been true than why in 1493 following his so called 1492 "voyage of discovery" did he need to return with 17 ships which at that time qualified as an invasion force? His diaries and other documentation show a glimpse into his wish to overpower and even annilate those who resided on the lands he had came upon and that he desired the riches that was there. He positioned himself as governor over the Caribbean Islands and mainland America. Using Espanola (today's Haiti and Dominican Republic) as his headquarters he instituted slavery and the killing of Native Taino's and in time Native inhabitants on all the lands he took control of. Does this sound like the land he "discovered" was uninhabited?

During my own research of Native studies I've learned that what is taught in school text books given to our children bear only part of the story and even go as far as to glorify the horrible dececration he brought to the original inhabitants of the lands he took occupation of.

The truth is that on the day Christopher Columbus first sailed his ship to the shore and stepped foot on the Western Hemisphere there was an estimated 100 million people living there. From my research it appears that on many levels we Americans have been fed and have embraced a lie.

This merely touches the edge of this topic but I hope others will research for themselves and beware who our children are taught to admire. For all his accomplishments there are many elements that when weighed show him not to have been the person we are taught in youth.

Do you always vote?

I became politically motivated back during the Jimmy Carter vs. Gerald Ford campaign. I was too young to vote then but it really interested me. I watched every minute of television coverage regarding the campaigns, conventions and the election. From then on I had a keen interest in politics and as soon as I was old enough to vote I couldn't wait to send in that registration.

I never had any interest in being personally involved in politics it was more of a deep rooted sense that in order to bring this world to a place where we can live in peace we must make correct decisions about who we put into power. I believe that we should view it as our duty to vote. I feel that I have no right to complain about how things are run in this country if I'm not committed enough to stand up for my belief and vote my conscience. Our vote counts and when we allow our voices to be heard through our vote and each individual vote is collected and grouped together we can send a message to the government that will definitely be heard.

Sadly in recent years I've seen it become more of a popularity contest rather than about the issues important to our way of life. You'll hear media coverage about the way the candidates dress, speak, walk, etc. Sure you can get to know something about a person by observing their demeanor and actions but this shouldn't be the "know all and end all" in our decision making process. I've heard people comment that they aren't voting for a candidate because they seem dry when giving a speech. SOooooooooo what is up with that? What in the world does that have to do with the issues that are important? In my view, that is a shallow way to decide who you are going to vote into public office.

People better wake up and begin focusing on the issues that matter and vote for the candidate that is truly focusing on those issues. This is about who has the peoples best interest at heart and has the experience and gumption to follow their heart and fight for us. If we begin to focus on the issues and choose our candidates according to that focus then it will force the candidates and the media to realign their campaigns in that direction. The political world is absurd at times and very out of control but we as the voters can force them to get back inline with what is best for this country. Another thing I really stay away from is being committed to only voting for a candidate of one political party. I vote for the candidate not for the political party of which they are affiliated. No matter the affiliation if the candidate makes me feel that they are the best candidate for the job then they get my vote.

Traveling Today

I have been in the beautiful state of Tennessee for the last 9 days and am traveling back to Michigan today. I am posting via my blackberry. Got on the road around 9am and expect to arrive in Michigan around 8 or so tonight. We are in the mountains of West Virginia as I write this. It is so beautiful here. The views are spectacular. If you like to go white water rafting the area near Charleston WV is about as good as it gets in this country. We just passed the capital building for the state and the dome on the top resembles the rotunda on the Nations capital but it is gold toned. For a state capital it is quite breathtaking. I love the blue ridge mountains and have many fond childhood memories. I will post comments under this heading today as I continue my trip.

Why do we exist?

My first reaction is to say I don't know. However, I know in my mind that we all exist for a reason and with a purpose in life. Jokingly I've said that I was born with a big mouth and that my purpose in life was to suffer adversity so I could use my big mouth to tell the world about it. . I don't really have a clear answer for this one because I think I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Yes I'm 44 and I don't think I've fully matured. LOL. In all seriousness I believe that you don't really understand the reasons for your life and why what happened to you has until your last days. I think as you go through life that each day is another step in getting to know who you are and finding your purpose in life. Different events on each day of our life shapes us into the person we are destined to become. Sometimes we take detours and then get back on track. With that in mind it is hard to say at any stop along the way what your true purpose is and what the true course of your life will be. What if you've stopped to make that analysis during a detour...then you don't have any idea how your life will be shaped once you get back on the right road. I just take each day for what it is and hope that my decisions for that day will lead me to where I should go. The question of why I exist is really one I don't think I wish to answer because there is no real purpose to examining that in my mind. I do exist and that is all that really matters. I exist and I should make the best out of each day in my life.

What does survival mean to you?

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina and so many other disasters in recent years the thoughts of survival are heavy on our minds but what about the rest of us? What does survival mean to us? Survival to me means a lot of different things to different people. I will just name a few that are personal to me. Survival is living each day to the fullest. Learning to like who you are even if it is to spite something we don't like about ourselves or our life. Learning to search our soul and get to know who we really are and to locate the inner strengths that we didn't know existed. To learn compassion for others but also to learn how to be compassionate and forgiving to our own selves. To empower ourselves with knowledge about what we must face and to take any obstacle and turn it into a stepping stone.

I also believe that survival means facing realities and not hesitating to reach out to others when we are in need. Sometimes we confuse support for pity and put a wall up so we don't allow someone to support us. It isn't a sign of failure to allow someone to help us through a difficult time. They too must learn compassion and how can they if we don't allow them the opportunity to shower us with theirs?

Have I survived? Well I'm traveling down that path. I'm not going to give up. I will be weary at times and there will be moments of despair. I will need shoulders to lean on. But I also will be able to enjoy the love of my family, the true joy of my grandchildren. I'll see wondrous things occur. I have so much life ahead of me. I also love to laugh and plan to do a lot of it. Life has its ups and downs for me but when I compare the rocky parts with the happy parts, the good by far outweigh the bad. It isn't easy to always see that. When I'm going through a difficult period I sometimes can only see the bad that I'm being forced to endure. I have to make a conscious effort to see past the bad and refocus myself on positive thoughts. Sometimes I accomplish this while at other times I must try over and over again before I begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Close your eyes during these dark moments and listen to your soul. The hope is there, you just have to allow it through. When you close your eyes and remain in darkness reach out your hand and allow someone to hold it while you find your way.

Another day of catching up

I spent today reading up on the news and boy oh boy is there a lot going on to blog about. I plan on getting to that perhaps as early as this evening. I am planning a nice night out for dinner with friends and am looking forward to it as I've not been getting out much. I even got fixed up which I've not been doing lately. I didn't have the energy to put on makeup LOL but I did today. One of my problems has been that my blood count hit rock bottom with treatments and it pretty much put me on my back. Finally my blood count is improving and thus I am beginning to feel better. There were times I didn't have the energy to brush my hair or so it seemed. I am just so happy this appears to be all behind me. To those who read my blog and have blogs of their own I will be visiting tonight to catch up there also when I return home. So hold on to your caps folks because IIIIIIIIII Ammmmmmmmmmm Backkkkkkkkkkkk! You know how outspoken I can be well I've been keeping my opinions to myself too long now so I'm in withdrawl so it is hard to tell what I'll write about here LOL.

Hi Gang

Well it has been a while since I've posted. My life has been so hectic that finding time to blog has been near impossible. I am in the midst of planning a move in a few months and that alone has taken up a lot of my time. My health is on the road to better days which I am so relieved. It has been very stressful dealing with so many doctors, tests and just the reality of being ill. Thankfully it seems to have turned out for the best. I am so behind on news and such so you can expect for me to be adding a lot of entries over the next few days as I love to put my two cents into everything in the news LOL. Hope all who read this are enjoying a wonderful day.

The power of forgiving ourselves

There are times when faced with tough situations in life that I felt a sense of guilt as if somehow it was my fault. I reflected back on everything in my life that I had done wrong and immediately saw it as the reason for the adversity I was presently experiencing. In times such as this we tend to hold ourselves to harsher judgment then we do others. Suddenly those little things we did that seemed so small before are now these glooming bright blemishes on our lives and we see them as unforgivable and the possible cause for all that is wrong in our lives now. I suppose this is similar to the feelings of guilt that can be experienced by someone who has a family member pass away. All we can think of is 'What if I had done...?', 'If only I had been there...' or 'I wish I had told them....'

Some people linger at the stage of blaming themselves for a brief time and some much longer. There are no rules regarding how long it takes to cope with emotions as strong as these. However, I had to realize that I must face these feelings of guilt to put them to rest. I couldn’t ignore it hoping it would go away because then the emotions would have only eaten away at me. One of my favorite sayings is 'the only way to get past something is through it'. We must travel through it to get to the other side. We can't side-step it or jump over it.

I had to begin this road to forgiveness by taking a look at the situation at hand. I had to look at what the facts were concerning the tough situation I was in the middle of. Was it something I had control over? Did I do what I thought was right? I had to learn to not focus on the "what ifs" and "if onlys" because they didn’t exist for me since those are things you do not have control over and cannot change. I had to remind myself that forgiving is not something that I’ve never done before. Although forgiving myself was a whole new ballgame. I am spiritual minded so I began by asking for forgiveness from the Great Creator, for the past deeds I was blaming myself for. I thought about the fact that I had forgiven my child of a mistake or for breaking something? I remembered the gentleness I felt toward my child or perhaps a parent or sibling over mistakes they had made. I thought about the forgiveness I have held in your heart for those who had wronged me. It's funny that we can readily forgive those around us, yet we can not seem to find compassion in our hearts for ourselves.

I came to the realization that I must try feeling some compassion for myself. I had to accept that those who love me have such compassion for me and if I could find a way to feel that for myself then I was well on the road to dealing with this. I knew that realization would allow me to see clearly the situation at hand and to see the potential blessing that had been bestowed on me. That's right blessing. This kindness and generosity to me would be the groundbreaking event which would lead to moving forward and getting past this tough time in my life.

I was raised that forgiveness is something to be sought after. We must search ourselves in-depth for the goodness we hold in our hearts so we can see the whole purpose of our lives. We must know that even though we make mistakes, we have problems, or we get off base in our journey through life instead of punishing ourselves in our thoughts and actions we should accept that we all make mistakes. We have an obligation to honor that goodness inside of us and the good qualities we have and the heart of compassion we have been given.

I personally played the blame game for a time and that kept me from forgiveness initially. I questioned my creator, the adversity and the situation I was in, I began the "Why me" syndrome? However, the important question I finally asked myself was “Don't you think it is time you offer forgiveness to yourself.” Know this…, bad things happen in this sinful world and I could write a whole other story on the reasons they do but I'll save that for another day. What I grasped from all I experienced is this, that pain and suffering that we all bear can be turned around to do many good things. People who have met great challenges have done tremendous things and used it to bring blessings upon their own lives and the lives of others. Tough times can teach us so much about life.

We are often touched by the stories from people who show what seems as such courage and strength to overcome adversity. We must learn to look past the bad part of our situation and see the good that can come from it. Perhaps there is a hidden purpose for our life. Whatever life brings our way we should look for direction as to where this situation should lead us.

Karl Rove: Innocent or just getting off easy?

Do you think that Patrick Fitzgerald couldn't come up with enough findings of criminal conduct to indict Karl Rove or do you feel he had the evidence but it wasn't enough to win a conviction considering who he'd have to battle with? I think that there had to be significant evidence or the investigation of Karl Rove wouldn't have went on for this length of time. Some may try to say that this is because Fitzgerald refused to admit that he had no case. I personally believe that the special prosecutor showed restraint by taking the time to investigate as long as he did without bringing forth indictments. Lets be clear here, just with what we now know from Libby and Novak show that Rove was involved. Sure he did it so that he could claim he wasn't directly involved but if anyone believes that then... well... lets just say... remember who was behind the Bush mobile taking us to war. Did you believe them then? Do you believe them now? Did you learn your lesson? Today's outcome does nothing to prove the innocence of Karl Rove, only proves that justice doesn't always get its chance.

Spector gets a conscience

Wow, Arlen Spector must have had an epiphany or something. Either that or he grew some hair on that chest and decided to get the corncob out of his rear and do what is right. I remember back in the day when he was about as conservative minded as they came. Remember Anita hill? But I think after reading the article below you'll agree that he may be coming around to being a decent person. I am also glad to see him not falling for Cheney's continued stall tactics.

" Washington CNN — The Republican chairman of a Senate committee said Sunday he is prepared to call telephone company officials to testify about a domestic wiretapping program if he doesn’t get cooperation in talks with the Bush administration.

“If we don’t get some results, I’m prepared to go back to demand hearings and issue subpoenas if necessary,” Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter told CNN’s “Late Edition.”After a public spat last week with Vice President Dick Cheney over congressional oversight of eavesdropping and other issues, Specter said Sunday that a telephone call and letter from Cheney Thursday marked a “step forward.”

Specter, chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, on Wednesday sent a stinging letter to Cheney threatening a “constitutional confrontation” and calling for increased cooperation from the administration on the National Security Agency’s no-warrant eavesdropping program.
Cheney responded in a letter Thursday saying the NSA doesn’t need congressional approval to run the program.

Cheney wrote that the administration is willing to work with Congress “in good faith” to reassure lawmakers concerned about the program. But he added, “there is no need for any legislation” authorizing the NSA to monitor calls between people in the United States and terrorism suspects overseas without a court order..."

When will it be over?

Many Americans feel today that it was a mistake to enter Iraq and bring our men and women to war. Many Americans also feel that we were misled by the Bush Administration on the terms given to us as reason for the war. These questions in no way mean that the majority of Americans do not support the troops that are over there. We most certainly do support all the men and women who are placing their lives on the line in Iraq. Our main reason for the questions is because we care for the troops well being and safety and want them to come home as soon as possible. It is our support for these troops that became the driving force behind our questions and concerns over this war. Now that we are over there and in the midst of what daily on television seems as chaos what do we do? Many Americans feel that since we are there we have made the mess so we must clean it up and finish the job. My question now is.... When will the job be finished? What will it take to be able to declare completion? How long will we feel the need for our American men and women to be in harms way? When will enough be enough? Well one thing I am fairly certain of is that the answers to these questions will greatly depend on whether a republican or a democrat is in office next presidential term.

Suicides prompt new calls to shut Guantanamo - Yahoo! News

Suicides prompt new calls to shut Guantanamo - Yahoo! News: "By Jane Sutton
Sun Jun 11, 4:06 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The suicides of three Arab detainees at Guantanamo ignited new calls on Sunday for the United States to shut down the prison camp but a U.S. diplomat called their hangings a 'good PR move' to gain attention. "

Two Saudis and a Yemeni hanged themselves with clothes and bedsheets in maximum security cells on Saturday -- the first prisoners to die at Guantanamo since the United States began sending suspected al Qaeda and Taliban captives there in 2002.

Prisoner advocates blamed the Bush administration for the deaths and said the men were held under conditions that "for all intents and purposes had already taken their lives." Several countries urged Washington to shut the camp down.

"Their blood is on the hands of the Bush regime and their deaths will fuel the anger of the global Muslim community," said Cageprisoners.com, a Web site that draws attention to the cases of detained Muslims....

Read more: Suicides prompt new calls to shut Guantanamo - Yahoo! News

Hmmmmmmm you just gotta wonder!

Over the years since the "war on terrorism" began everytime support for the administration dwindles there seems to be an amazing feat accomplished or dire situations occur that threatens national or homeland security. They come in almost precisely the right political moment. Although the last few haven't helped the administration as much as I believe they'd hoped. When the support dwindled for the situation in Afghanistan we saw the push to go into Iraq, now that the support has dwindled for the war in Iraq we hear the war drums beating against Iran. When are the American people going to wake up and realize that the only thing this administration knows is to take our men and women to war. They know nothing about running this country or if they do know how to do it they certainly aren't using their knowledge to help the average Americans. Enough is enough.

American Idol: disappointed

I didn't get to keep up the blog on American Idol here due to my being absent for an extended amount of time. I was very shocked and disappointed when Chris was voted off and then I felt the final two should have been Katherine and Elliot, well that is if it was based on talent. Don't get me wrong Taylor seems like a great person and he can sing but there is no way he has better vocals than Katherine or even Elliot for that matter. This is a singing contest people not a personality contest. Oh well it doesn't matter because most of the top 12 will get offers anyway.

I have returned...Prepare yourselves LOL

Hello everyone and I'm so sorry I've not been posting on my blog. I had a lot going on and there just wasn't enough time in the day to sit and write. I have missed it so much though. Writing is very therapeutic for me and it has made a difference in my life. I'm happy to say I am now back and plan on staying up on posting here even if it is just a short note. I hope this note finds you all well and enjoying warmer weather.

This Weeks Idol Results Show

Tonight American Idol's result show is an hour long special beginning at 8:30 PM. The remaining finalist perform songs as a group singing songs such as "Another one bites the dust" which seems realistic LOL. Each one doing solos throughout the medley. I am ready for them to get down to business as this lil diddy wasn't very entertaining to me. I'd love to see Taylor go tonight but I suspect it won't be. Taylor isn't a bad singer don't get me wrong but he isn't the best and his stage presence is not far from bizarre in my opinion. They are all on the couches awaiting the results discussing what they miss from home. Kelly misses fried Okra. Sometimes I wonder if her ditzy personality is real or fake. Others said they missed important things like wife, kids but she misses Okra. Now family members are being shown on video telling the contestants how much they love them and how proud of them they are. This was a nice touch. Elliot seemed especially moved. They announce that next week the contestants will be working with Rod Stewart. I love him so I'm really looking forward to that. They show a clip with Taylors band that he typically performs with and they profess their loyalty, Taylor is then told he is safe. Katherine, they are talking with her parents telling how she has loved to sing from a young age. She was an adorable little girl. She is declared safe. Chris is from NC and his brother begins telling how they work in their family business of running a mill. They said they always knew Chris was meant for bigger things. Of course we all know Chris is safe. Going to commercial break leaves Ace, Elliot, Kelly, Bucky and Paris to hear their fate. Hmmmmmmmmmm I suspect it is Ace, Bucky or Paris. I suspect Elliot will be safe but you never know. I would have thought Taylor would have been gone weeks ago. Here we go.... Next up is Kelly, they check in with her grandfather who speaks of how the town is behind her and voting hard for her. She is safe. Now there is four left. Elliot is up next showing his mother who tells of him having health problems as a child, he had severe allergies, hearing problems and was diagnosed at age 17 with diabetes. She speaks of how proud of him she is for how he has persevered and is such a good man. Elliot is in the bottom three, I'm kinda shocked. Elliot gets to perform, I guess if they are in the bottom three tonight they get to perform. I'm not a huge fan of Elliot but he is a better singer than Taylor. I suspect Taylor has a huge fan base because his band travels around the country performing and they advertise for him at all their gigs to rake in the votes. Ace is up next, his parents and brother speak of how he is a fast runner and an outdoorsman. They speak of how he doesn't fear a struggle and that is who Ace is. Ryan now tells Ace that he is in the bottom three. Ace performs and sounds better tonight but he needs to trim the hair under his arms before wearing another tank top, YUCK. Bucky and Paris are up now and they show that in Rockingham they lost the race track there due to schedule changes with Nascar and that Bucky is giving that city something to be happy about. Now they are speaking about Paris. Her mother is talking how Paris wanted to be a gynecologist instead of a singer but she tried out and fell in love with American Idol. Now they announce which one is in the bottom three. Paris is safe. So the bottom three are Elliot, Ace and Bucky. Which one goes home? Ok, all three are brought to the front of the stage. Simon thinks Ace will go home. Leaving tonight is.......................Bucky. Ace and Elliot are safe. I sort of think Ace should have been the one to go home but the votes are in and it is Bucky who goes home this week.

Imigration rights

I have hesitated to get into the imigration discusions of recent days. I read in the news and watch on television that protesters are fighting for the rights of "illegal" imigrants. I don't understand where they would have rights in this country if they have not followed the legal process to become a citizen or at the very least to be here legally. This has nothing to do with discrimination it is the laws of citizenship. It would be wrong to not allow imigrants a legal way to come to this country but that is not the case. There is a legal way to come to this country and that is how you get rights here.

I am saddened by the reasons they need to come here. I would love for those in poor countries to enjoy the opportunities in this country but we can't put our laws aside to let people from other countries to come here illegally.

Having laws in place to provide only a legal way for imigrants to be here is not discriminating. I would be the first person to speak out against discrimination. I am Native American and have experienced discrimination so I do understand how that feels.

Idol Results show

Well another one bites the dust tonight. I would like to see Taylor go but I doubt he will. Sooooo here we go. The three with the least votes this week are Elliot, Paris and Mandisa and Paris was allowed to return to her seat which left Mandisa and Elliot remaining and the one going home this week is Mandisa. I can't end without saying Yahooooo over hearing Kenny Rogers perform. I have been a huge fan for many years. Shhh I know I'm admitting I'm old.

Tom Delay

Tom Delay must think we are all stupid. The sad reality is that there are people who will believe his story. If he truthfully resigned his seat in the House and pulled out of his bid for re-election to get the attention off his republican district then he would have done it before the primary. Let's face it he saw the writing on the wall that he would not win so he is quitting. Badabing badaboom end of story. He is now just trying to appease those who urged him to allow someone the chance to rescue that seat from the grasp of the Democrats. Further evidence that they are concerned they may lose control of the House in upcoming elections.

American Idol/Nashville Star

It is sad when you are recuperating how easy it is to get hooked on television. This is so unlike me to as I don't typically watch much tv except for cable news.

Anyway, I am hooked on both American Idol and Nashville Star. I just started watching Nashville star so just getting to know them but I disagree with tonights cut of Melanie Torres. I think Mandisa did the worse tonight on Idol but she has too much talent to go home. I don't like Taylor and would like to see him go. Bucky shined this week. I liked Ace and Chris too. What do you all think?

Catching Up

I am going to try and post here on a daily basis even if it is just a post
to document my daily activities. I love blogging but have got out of the
habit a bit while I was recuperating. I am eager to get back into the swing
of blogging. I also am going to start using my blackberry to blog so when a
thought hits me I can run to my handheld and yakk away on my blog about it.
So look out I'm back :)

Debra Lafave: Beyond her case with double standards

I'm sure many have read and/or listened to news reports regarding the charges brought against a teacher Debra Lafave who was 23 at the time for having a sexual relationship with a 14 year old male student at the school where she was employed. It seems that the boys parents didn't want their son to testify so they were in favor of a plea agreement that the Judge refused to consider. The Judge's decision along with the parents refusal to have their son testify forced the procecuters to dismiss the charges against Lafave earlier this week.

I have read discussion about a double standard. I'm really not going to get into that at this point. What I'd like to acknowledge is that she definitely did know that her actions were wrong. She openly admitted to that in the beginning of all of this. Her comment "I know what I did was wrong" says it all. Sure a 14 year old boy will perhaps have a crush on an attractive teacher as so many of us have in our youth. However, she is the responsible authority figure that should have never pursued any sexual, intimate or even romantic encounter with this boy. Even if the boy pursued it first (which there is no evidence of this) this woman should have not surrendered to it.

I have some experience in this field and there are many people with Bi-Polar in the United States and some of them do have times when not being treated properly where they engage in risky behavior but at no time is their perception of right from wrong not available to them. They may have urges that could be hard for them to respond to negatively but they still know whether responding to the urge would be right or wrong. So therefore by legal standards I feel that a Bi-polar claim in order to excuse her from guilt here is very misguided.

Another point that came to me today is that we feel that this woman was wrong in sexually enticing this young boy. I agree that she most definitely was wrong and her actions should require punishment. However, we excuse the behavior of commercials being broadcast which do the same thing. Couldn't the Pizza Hut commercial starring Jessica Simpson walking in all sexy and hot going up to a very young boy in a seductive manner be viewed as enticement? I think society better take a close look at things and stop this steady decline in morality before more and more children and young adults are placed in harms way.

The diagnosis and beyond

The beginning of December 2005 the day came when time stood still for just a few moments, or so it seemed. I still remember this day. I can still see my husband sitting across from my doctor with me. I’ll never forget his expression, the look in his eyes, the way the doctor looked across his desk with what seemed to me as a sympathetic gaze. And then he spoke those words to me. I don’t know if it is the way this doctor said the words or if it is the way I perceived them. It felt like he took the time to pronounce each syllable. Each syllable seemed to drag on and on.
~ You………. Have………Can...cer! ~

My first impression was it must be caught early so no big deal. I remember feeling this overwhelming sense of relief that it wasn’t worse. After a few seconds I shrugged and signed and replied “Ok, so it was caught early and everything will be fine.” His response sent my world into a tail spin that still is turning uncontrollably. “I wish I could tell you that you will be ok but I can't do that. You have a form that is fairly advanced.

Time hung there for so long. I could sense my heart beating in my toes. I just kept seeing him mouth those words over and over and over. I wanted to rewind what I was watching and make it say something different. Then I began that decent into uncertainty. From that moment every aspect of our lives have changed.

I felt in shock. I felt like I had been pushed off of a tall building with only the assurance that there may be a safety net on the ground below. The uncertainty of what would happen when I reached the solid ground was unbearable. Would I splat on the concrete or would there be a soft cushion to protect me from harm? I felt like my life was suddenly out of control. Sometimes I felt panic, sometimes anger and at other times I was so numb even the heartache from the crying didn’t create a sensation. I thought that all of my dreams, expectation and hopes would disappear. I thought that everything I had worked towards was going to all be for nothing. I immediately looked at my husband sitting beside me and I know I had as much fear in my eyes as I saw in his.

My family was thrusted into the same situation as I was. The same unsteady waters, the same desperate fight to survive, the same fears and the same uncertainty. Issues we had never even given thought to suddenly become the most important issues in our lives. They had to watch me go through endless visits to the doctor, unending tests, and be there by my side to assure me that everything would be ok even when they wasn’t sure it would be. They had to be strong, even when they felt as weak emotionally by this news as I. They had the same fears but had to be the strong one so I could use my energy to fight.

The next appointment with my doctor brought some comfort. He reassured me to a degree that instant death was not pending. When we discussed treatment and I was told that surgery and radiation treatment was definite and as for chemo therapy, we'd have to see what they found during the surgery and the post-surgical pathology report. I thought right then I would rather die. I’ll admit I am vain and my looks mattered. To have to face the fact that I may loose my hair was priority on my mind right then. As silly as it sounds I guess you must get through the vanity of that moment before you suddenly put things into perspective.

The appointments, treatments began to take their toll on my physical well being. I was growing more fatigued daily, was achy all over. I was so tired and worn out. I couldn't tolerate food and was already losing weight at a rapid pace. I wasn't in a situation where I needed to lose weight so the rapid loss made me just look sick and confirmed the diagnosis in my mind. It was hard to ignore the fact I was facing an illness when I felt like crap and now was even beginning to look like crap. With each visit my difficulties in swallowing worsened which I was told may be a side effect of putting me to sleep for the surgery. It had, in fact, progressed to the point that to swallow water caused severe pain. The doctor said I was having an adverse reaction. I celebrated in the fact that my surgery did go well and all I had to pursue now was radiation treatment. I tried to keep my spirits raised by joking about it but deep inside I was hurting. In some ways I had given up on life in my mind. I had even had thoughts of plans for my death. I didn't think the treatment was doing anything or at least not doing something fast enough to please me.

My attitude sucked and my doctor was livid with me during one visit and told me that I was taking my choice to live away because of my attitude and that he had patients that wanted his help. When I was one of those patients, Give him a call. He told me he was trained to help people live not die, and to call him when I changed my attitude. Well, I was equally livid when he left the room. I thought, “How dare he speak to me that way.” Eventually, it sunk in what he was saying and I realized I wanted to live. I have changed my attitude and I am fighting like you would never believe to get well.

Every time a new hurdle presents itself it is still like you are being plunged into unsteady waters and are on the road to a new journey. A trip you are not too sure you wish to travel. I will never know what the future holds but I would not have known that even if I had not been diagnosed with an illness. I have to live my life for today and choose to turn this journey into one that will be fruitful, and hopefully help others. All I can do is work as hard as I can to create a quality of life that is worth living. I will have confidence in myself because I have met one of life’s toughest challenges and I am succeeding.

I know now what drove me to depression in the early days and what frightened me about my diagnosis in the beginning. I felt helpless. I felt like I had no control over my own life, my own future, my own health. I couldn’t fix the disease. I didn’t have any of the answers I so desperately sought after. I have now learned to educate myself and to accept that there are some things about this disease that I won’t have answers for. I must accept that I won’t know what this disease will do to me but I also need to realize that by the same token I don’t know what it won’t do to me either.

When I was first diagnosed I had been so obsessed with rescuing myself and trying to find a way to make the disease go away that I hadn’t allowed my family to support me. I had a life line thrown at me by my family but I had just left it dangling in those unsteady waters instead of grabbing it and pulling myself up to safety. Now, looking back in hind sight I realize that before I could receive the kind of support I needed, I had to accept my own limitations, understand my fears, and respect my feelings. I think that gathering information is a constructive way of coping, but when you carry it to the extreme, as I did, it’s a way of running away from your feelings. I was trying to find an escape from the reality of the situation. Unfortunately it wasn't there and still isn't there today.

That has all changed for me now. I’ve learned better ways to handle my emotions since then to. It’s true. There is a bit of temporary comfort in ‘denial.’ Perhaps if you ignore it, it will just go away. But when it doesn’t and something leaves you no choice but to face it, often you can’t handle it. You just shut down. Family members should encourage you by letting you know they’ll be there for you no matter what. I have had to face more things than any human should ever have to face but other people have faced far worse. Keeping a smile on my face is not an easy task. I feel down and I cry and at times I get in an angry rage. In the end, nothing has changed, all the crying and screaming and being depressed didn’t make any of the problems go away. Neither did ignoring it. You have no choice, unfortunately, but to face this and make the best out of it.

My recent life hasn’t been a bed of roses but it could be a lot worse. I have to admit I am scared. I’m not ready to die and if I do, I’m going out kicking and screaming. I accept that I have a very serious disease but I am convinced that fighting it will be more successful then surrender. I’m simply not ready to let this beat me. If anyone can beat this thing, it’s me. I can fight harder to survive than cancer can fight to kill me. Fortunately, my family made me see a reason I had to get through this. I finally came to terms with the revelation that I had confused support with pity. I felt if I allowed anyone to help me or to be there for me emotionally, then I was allowing them to pity me. I even had dismissed love at times thinking it too was pity. When I realized the difference it was easier to accept help and love from others.

I'm happy to report that I am almost through my radiation treatments and it appears that no further treatment will be required. Since I didn't have to have chemo therapy I never had any hair loss which I had worried about in the initial phase of coping. Now I wouldn't really care as long as I got to live. I do have a followup surgery I will have to get through but after everything else that seems minor. So it seems as though I've won, well no matter what happens from this point on I have won in many ways. I've learned so much about my self and my inner strength and most of all I've learned how wonderful it is to see life through my new eyes. I now see life as it is meant to be.... PRESCIOUS.

Learning to accept the hand dealt

I still long to wake up and find out that it all has just been a bad dream. Like how Dorothy woke up in the Wizard of Oz and learned that it had all been a dream. Instead I have had to accept the reality that I do have cancer and that this disease is a permanent part of my life. A part that I must accept and must deal with. A part I cannot change no matter how hard I hope to. It is not a dream. It is as real as it gets. Even after treatment is finished and I am found to be cancer free it will remain a part of my life in so many ways.

This diagnosis or as I refer to as "this painful thorn in my flesh", has been a true blessing in many ways. My character has changed. My ambitions and goals for my life are very different than what they were before my diagnosis. I am more compassionate, caring and supportive to the needs of others. I am stronger and my life has attained a richer meaning. Most of all I have got to know my inner self and found a way to like me to spite all I’ve been going through recently.

When this news that seemed so tragic was thrown into my life I was active, happy and thought I knew just where my life was headed. My fears were few. Since then I have had to re-adapt many aspects of my home, my life, my way of thinking and my goals. I still do have ultimate goals and one is reaching to find a way to bring a cure for this disease. Although going through this has certainly added to the difficulty in my journey since that day of my diagnosis, it has also made me more sure and determined of my decision to survive and win this battle.

I do feel that I had to accept this disease as a part of me. This was not easy but I had to find a way to allow this disease to be a part of my life. I am not saying to give into the disease but learn to accept it. I had to learn to respect its power and pacify its peaks. Things didn’t then and won’t always go smoothly and I have learned to expect the unexpected. I had to learn that I can be happy and lead a prosperous life even though I have this illness.

I will admit that I now have many fears I didn’t have before. I worry each day that this disease could somehow be linked genetically and place my granddaughters at greater risk. I know that if that were to happen it would be a far more devastating blow than my own affliction. My own independence feels threatened. My own right to survive feels like a war I must wage. So, what is the meaning of all this suffering? I truly don’t know the real answer to that question. I do believe that being diagnosed with cancer has refined my character and has taught me to rely on my inner strength. I have learned to dig into my soul and find courage I never knew I possessed before illness entered my life. Think about it: Many people, despite their illness, have been able to accomplish their goals. Somehow, they found the strength to succeed.

I have made many new friends and have joined a family of support that has changed my life in ways I never imagined. The people I have met are strong in spirit and very compassionate, loving and they find the determination to succeed in the hopes to help others in the same situation. Together we persevere through the times when life is a struggle and fear is great, we celebrate when life is good and our health is improving, we have learned to be thankful for having each other in our lives.

I personally have learned to be flexible and live each day as today and worry about tomorrow when it arrives. It is never easy or fun to live with an illness but I must realize that every person on this earth has obstacles to overcome in their life. This is mine. Many of life’s most amazing people have overcome physical challenges and gone on to make awesome contributions. My philosophy is “You have only failed if you fail to try.” I hope that by my sharing my story it will encourage everyone to find your inner strength to survive what life has tossed in your lap. You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out and take a hand offered in support and we’ll get through this together.

Muslim outrage over cartoon

I am a person who is not prejudice in the very least and am comfortable with sharing my country with those who come here for a better life. But facts are facts and my friend Lightening makes a great point in his comments below.....

Lightnings Blog: "Food for Thought
Muslim outrage , who is kidding who here...

OK! ... let's do a little historical review. Just some lowlights:

Muslims fly commercial airliners into buildings in New York City, killing thousands. No Muslim outrage.

Muslim officials block the exit where school girls are trying to escape a burning building because their faces were exposed. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims cut off the heads of three teenage girls on their way to school in Indonesia. A Christian school. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims murder teachers trying to teach Muslim children in Iraq. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims murder over 80 tourists with car bombs outside caf�s and hotels in Egypt. No Muslim outrage.

A Muslim attacks a missionary children's school in India. Kills six. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims slaughter hundreds of children and teachers in Beslan, Russia. Muslims shoot children in the back. No Muslim outrage.

Let's go way back. Muslims kidnap and kill athletes at the Munich Summer Olympics. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims fire rocket-propelled grenades into schools full of children in Israel. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims murder more than 50 commuters in attacks on London subways and buses. Over 700 are injured. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims massacre dozens of innocents at a Passover Seder. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims murder innocent vacationers in Bali. No Muslim outrage.

Muslim newspapers publish anti-Semitic cartoons. No Muslim outrage

Muslims are involved, on one side or the other, in almost every one of the 125+ shooting wars around the world. No Muslim outrage.

Muslims beat the charred bodies of Western civilians with their shoes, then hang them from a bridge. No Muslim outrage.

Newspapers in Denmark and Norway publish cartoons depicting Mohammed. Muslims are outraged.

Dead children. Dead tourists. Dead teachers. Dead doctors and nurses. Death, destruction and mayhem around the world at the hands of Muslims... no Muslim outrage... but publish a cartoon depicting Mohammed with a bomb in his turban and all hell breaks loose. It must be nice to have low standards and still fail to meet them

Hey Gang I'mmmmmmmmm back LOL

Hi everyone. WOW it has been so long since I was able to post a blog here. I had to go through radiation therapy which wasn't fun at all. YUCKity yuck yuck but hey I made it through it. Now it is all over and I still have all my hair since I didn't have to have chemotherapy. Well don't laugh... that is something to be thankful for. Hopefully this rough health period is over and I'm well on my way to a healthy long life. I will admit though that I thought radiation therapy was symptom free but it wasn't at all. Of course having it in the region of the abdomen didn't help in that but I did have a lot of gastrointestinal side effects and I won't gross you out by explaining any further (grin). I've also lost about 20 pounds which I didn't really need to lose but hey I now can fit in those teeny jeans at American Eagle that I loved from afar for so long. Ok ok I'm really trying to find the good in all that I've been through so humor me. Well I'm back so watch out I've been lying around now for weeks with all these super blog posts building up so day by day I'll be ranting here so just suck up and take it. Ahhhhhh you know one thing you love most about me is my big mouth NOOOOOOOOOT... (giggle).

Facing Fear

I don't usually share religious thoughts on this blog but I felt the need to share this today. I hope to be back posting soon on a regular basis as I'm recuperating yet again from another surgery.

"it is the Unknown that nearly drives us nutso."

This is actually a form of fear that many of us have. We fear so many things in our lives. I have had to come to a quick realization about a few things recently along this area. Fear is a common problem. Some of our fears are legitimate but some of them may be groundless. Either way they can mean anguish for the person living in fear. We sometimes worry about things that aren't real. We imagine that illness is going to wreck havoc with our bodies, or even kill us. We also worry about things in our families, their safety, etc. Some worry that a child may get their illness. I've heard women speak about that they fear that their husband will leave them if they get really ill. Their fear had no basis because their husband to that point hadn't done anything to warrant these thoughts.

Not being afraid is an element of trusting God and of being a godly person, and of being a godly wife. Being fearless is included in the description of the excellent wife in Proverbs 31 See Proverbs 31:21,25. Peter tells us to "do what is right without being frightened by any fear" 1 Peter 3:5,6. God's word does acknowledge that fear may be a problem but we are to respond to fears in a biblical manner. So many times our fear opens the door to panic and with panic we often get carried away and the fears that develop don't correlate with the actual circumstances. We have added reasons to be afraid without any concrete facts.

Think about it, how many of us have had this feeling that something bad is going to happen? That is senseless fear of something that may never happen but we'll lie awake at night or worry constantly about it. How many have been afraid when our children go out by themselves? Well we should pray to God to take care of our child, believe that he will, and trust him to keep his word. Yes things do happen and people do lose their children but we must not be anxious, uneasy or worried for something that may never happen.

When fear takes over it may hinder us in being steadfast in our own responsibilities. We may not be able to sleep and then we are sick afterwards and can't do things we are responsible for. Fear can also open the gateway to cause sin to enter. When we are afraid or distraught from the fear we are more likely to be impatient or harsh with someone. Some people may have to lie to others to justify their fear. We may be drawn through fear of what others may think to a point where we engage in arguments. Fear can cripple us emotionally if we don't put the situation into God's hand and trust him to take care of it and us put our fear away.

Look at what Fear caused Peter to do. When Jesus was arrested Peter was afraid of what may happen to him if the people knew he was with Jesus before and was one of his apostles. Peter denied the Lord Jesus. Matthew 26:69-70. We can all understand Peters fear but he denied the Lord and that was a sinful act. We must remind ourselves that God was and still is sovereign over every circumstance. God will give you the grace to make it through any trial if you just give it over to him, believe his word where he said he will handle it for us and trust him to keep his word. Read Proverbs 29:25 Hebrews 13:6 and 1 Peter 3:6 Worrying about tomorrow is wrong because we don't know what tomorrow holds. We should just deal with today and ask for God's grace to manage.

We all know that we shouldn't fear but should run to God in prayer about things and give it unto him to solve and not worry about it. See: Philippians 4:6,7 If we put what we fear into his hands then we can have peace. Here are some scriptures that may help you find solutions to fear.
Galatians 2:12 "For before that certain came from James, he did eat with the Gentiles; but when they were come, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing them which were of the circumcision"

We shouldn't be a man pleaser but work to please God. It is more important what God thinks of you than what people think of you. In the scripture above Peter was being a pleaser of men, he feared what they would think of him. His desire to please men placed him in the position of having to fear he would be found out. We should seek God's approval not mans.

Psalm 119:52,114,143,165 (Due to length I won't type these scriptures out but please go read). From this I found great peace from God if I will memorize and meditate on God's promises that apply to me. These promises are tried and true. The promises that apply to our own lives will fortify us. If we can memorize a specific scripture that applies to a situation we are experiencing and recite it when we feel fear, it will help us to respond with wisdom and according to scripture.
Proverbs 3:21-26 (Again due to length I won't type these scriptures out but please go read). From this I realized that if our decisions are wise ones and based on scripture then we will rest more peacefully and our fears and worries will be less. Not making wise and biblical decisions can actually cause us to allow snares for ourselves to be set up. Wisdom is the ability to relate truth (God's word) to life situations. If we use wisdom we will know how to cope with fears we may have. The scripture above in Proverbs even shows us that in extreme circumstances when we are being attacked by wickedness, fear will not overcome us if we use wisdom and depend on his word to guide us.

II Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear but of power, and of love and of a sound mind". Boy does this speak to us. Reminding ourselves of God's power and his love for us and all mankind should be of great comfort to us when we have fear. When we are going through something that frightens us we tend to get carried away and may be fearful of what we THINK about the circumstances and not fearful of the actual true circumstance. We may have added things in there that aren't true or haven't happened. Then our focus becomes inward and we become more frightened. We worry about what is going to happen to us when we should pray for the factual circumstance we are facing at that moment and put what MAY happen into God's hands. We shouldn't fear sickness or death. Read Matthew 10:28 and Proverbs 1:7
Psalm 23:4 "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

I had a man ask me once what thought crossed my mind when I read that scripture. I said "Am I going to die?" LOL. He said that it meant I shouldn't be afraid of death. I should be at peace with God and know that he will take care of me. My time will come when it comes and I shouldn't be wasting time I could be living by worrying about death. We should remind ourselves and trust that God is always with us. Remember that no matter what happens that God will walk through it with us.

Psalm 56:4 "In God I will praise his words, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me." This is a big one. We have the choice to decide who we are going to trust to keep us safe and secure. We shouldn't put our trust in things other than God. Many people put their trust in a gun they keep hidden in their house. We should praise God and trust him to keep his word. Don't trust in ourselves or people in the world, trust in God. We can trust God to help us and we can trust him to keep his word.

See Matthew 24:35
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears."
Seek out the Lord when you are afraid. Talk to the Lord when you are afraid and he will talk back to you through His Word. God will deliver us from every sinful fear, however great or small. Instead of turning to some other form of escape when we are afraid we should turn to God.

See Hebrews 4:12 and I Corinthians 10:13
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that fearesth is not made perfect in love."

Overcome our fears with Love. One key to overcoming fear is to put on biblical love for God and for others. We show love to God by obeying his Word. When we think about ourselves our fear usually escalates. Remember when I mentioned above how we sometimes think that something horrible is going to happen. This can make us become completely panicked over absolutely nothing. Same thing with having an illness. We fear the unknown and the fact that it is unknown means we are worrying about absolutely nothing. What we are worried about may never happen. When we overcome the fear with Love it causes us to look for opportunities to give and often gets our mind off of the fears. See I Corinthians 13:6

Now of course we all have legitimate concerns about our health and even life in general. There are two ways to respond to such legitimate concerns. One is to focus on the present day and what God considers our responsibility regarding the concern. The other is to focus on the future, jump to a rash conclusion, usually the worse possible conclusion and then panic. God can't give us grace to respond biblically to a focus of the future that isn't real. See Matthew 6:34 and Philippians 4:8. We should focus on today and what our responsibilities are for today. Regarding our concerns about our health, we know we must take our medications, perhaps go to the doctor, care for our health needs and pray for God's guidance. We can add our name to prayer chains. God will give us grace to focus on today and what we must do today. My favorite scripture to help me with this issue is Philippians 4:6-9

We should put out un-biblical thoughts and put on biblical thoughts. The biblical thoughts will overcome fear. If we think that something is frightening and it is a true fear we just have to commit ourselves to do the right thing. Our responsibility is to do what is right and God will at that time give us grace and wisdom to respond. If something comes up and we don't know how to respond there is nothing wrong with telling them we need to think and get back with them later. Then seek God's word. When we are afraid of something remember your favorite scripture and recite it to yourself in your mind or even aloud to overcome the fear. Be careful not to respond to something in an unbiblical way. Fear will cause us to do that if we allow it.
Don't be anxious or fearful. Pray a biblical prayer of supplication with thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6). Pray right away, don't wait because the fear will grow if you don't act immediately. When you are having fearful thoughts be sure that they are biblical. Philippians 4:8 is a good guide to check. If you persist in this you will experience the "peace of God which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7) and the "God of peace shall be with you" (Philippians 4:9).